(Follow these links to watch our full interview, to read Allie's essay or my essay, or to learn about other voices from the project.)
Since originally going public in August of 2014, I've learned that "coming out" isn't a singular event, but an ongoing process. I'm constantly meeting new people, so I'm constantly bringing people into my life who missed last year's reveal. While I have gotten more comfortable with sharing this part of me with others, the fear of rejection is always there in some form or another. That's why it's taken me this long to come out to my ward. (I'm posting this on my ward's Facebook page, as well as other places).
(Before you ask, yes, I love my wife very much, and yes, she really is pregnant, and yes, it is my child. You see, I experience something called secondary sexual attraction for my wife, but my attraction for men is definitely primary—I'm totes gay.)
If you're a member of my ward and reading this, there's something you need to understand before I go on: that fear of rejection I mentioned earlier. I'm sure all of us—gay, straight, or anything else—have experienced that feeling of "If they knew x about me, then they wouldn't like me." For me, that x is my being gay, and the fear of rejection has been reinforced throughout my life by bullying, passive comments, and even blatant homophobia. And despite clarifications by the Brethren, many people in the LDS Church still think that sexuality is a choice—they still treat the LGBTQ+ community like a leper colony.
So, even though I have legitimate reasons not to come out to our ward, I've consistently felt that it's what God wants me to do. I want to do His will. I want to be an example and a resource whenever you, your family members, or your children have questions about what it means to be Mormon and gay. I want to see as I am seen, and know as I am known (D&C 76:94). I want to live as authentically as possible within my ward family.
I do not want this to hurt how you, fellow wardies, interact with me. I don't want any guys in the ward to wonder if I think they're "hot." I don't want them to think that, simply by being in their presence, I'll somehow become infatuated with them. I don't want them to treat me like a woman, erroneously thinking that gay men and straight women are the same thing. I don't want mothers or fathers in the ward to be afraid of letting me near their children (a surprising number of people don't know the difference between homosexuality and pedophilia).
So—if you are a member of my ward—surprise!!! You didn't escape "the gay" by going to a married student ward! You're surrounded, and that doesn't have to terrify you.
